Dad? I’ve been dressing as a boy for months and I’m considering the surgery.

Huffing finger paint wears us down.

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I AM TRIPPIN’ BALLS

C’mon dad! It’s a chocolate bar! Lighten up!!

Let me get this straight … I survive a year with you idiots and I only get ONE piece of cake?!?

Come closer, dad. So I can tell you how much jean outfits SUCK while stabbing you with my pencil!

HEY MOM! Dad got poop on his hands again! Idiot!!!

Oops! Almost threw the good baby out with the pile of expired babies!

Twitter: The Criterion Collection

The truth must be known and the truth is that my ass will not be silenced!

Uncensored video of me performing a @smartasshat tweet.

This is the video I made for Bailey. I am posting it in its entirety because my daughter is in a cage.

I can only assume that the video quality is so bad because it was made on my work computer which is not my fancy mac.