This is my horse.

There are many like it, but this one is mine.

IF ANY OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS TURN OFF MY SPRINKLER I WILL BOWL YOUR SEVERED HEAD INTO A PILE OF DOG DICKS.

No beach today … no problem. I’ll build castles right here … but not with sand! You hear me? I won’t be using sand. Get it? Jesus, you guys suck. I’ll build the castles with poop, you idiots.

Hydration will help me outlast all these pussies. WHO’S GOT MORE X?!?

I just need a few dollars for bus fare home. I AM NOT AN ADDICT.

NO REHAB WILL EVER HOLD ME! LILO’S A FUCKING PUSSY! WHERE’S MY WEED?!?

The decision to enter rehab is mine and I’d appreciate some privacy in this very personal time. No more paparazzi, please.

JESUS CHRIST DAD YOU CAN’T JUST POOP IN THE POOL!

Please can I go, dad? He’s 19 and has a motorcycle!

In this segment of “5 Questions”, we talk with @awryone, an ex-grifter and Twitter funny man, about zombies, life, and blowjobs:

Not Diddy: When the impending Zombie Apocalypse comes (and we both know it will), what will be your weapon of choice?

Josh: My weapon of choice will be…